Stella's Tale

1 in 8

8:24 AM

My life is filled with potty training toddlers, diaper changes, wrestling matches, snuggles, PBS Kids and sippy cups. My house is noisy, full of love and full of crazy most days.

I have 2 beautiful, healthy children that are a mere 23 months apart.

On the outside, my life looks pretty darn good. And it really is. I'm very blessed. We're very blessed.

But getting to this point wasn't easy for us. Because we are 1 in 8.

1 in 8 couples struggle with infertility, whether that means the woman, the man or both have some sort of problem preventing them from becoming pregnant. All people that struggle have different stories. Some are able to conceive naturally eventually. Some may need extensive testing and fertility treatments in order to get pregnant. Others choose simply not to do medical intervention and eventually adopt or possibly have a miracle baby (or babies) of their own.

Our journey began shortly after we got married. I have a few posts I'm going to share that I wrote back in 2011 when we were in the midst of our infertility journey. It documented how I was feeling at the time and is the best way to describe the feelings and emotions that I was going through during that dark time in my life.

When we were first struggling with getting pregnant I felt very alone.

It took me a long time to open up to anyone about what we were going through, and even then, it was only a few select people that knew anything was wrong. We were constantly inundated with questions from friends and family as to when we were going to have kids. I smiled my way through it and never let on that we were trying and struggling.

It wasn't until during my pregnancy and after Will was born that I finally opened up about what we had been through. Almost 2 years of trying and the need for fertility help in order to get pregnant.

I write all of this now, 4 years after finding out I was pregnant with our first son only to let those of you that are still out there trying and hoping know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. There are success stories.

So please, take a moment to say a prayer for those that are struggling with infertility. There are a lot of couples out there that are going through it at this very moment. And you never know who they might be so be sensitive and think hard before asking "so, when are you going to start a family?" or "are you going to make so & so a big brother or sister?" I can tell you from experience that even though it seems like a simple, harmless question, it can be very hurtful to a couple that is struggling and wishes and prays every day for a baby.

And to the 1 in 8 out there, you are not alone.

Family

This Thing Called Motherhood

9:15 AM

Deep down I think I always knew I wanted to be a mom.

My kids make me laugh on a daily basis and are the sweetest snugglers. Will melts me when he says "I really love you mommy" or "Will you be my best friend?" And John doesn't really talk much yet but the way he puts his head on my shoulder before going to bed and smiles at me when I walk into a room is pretty much the best feeling in the entire world.

But this motherhood thing... its hard.

Yesterday I felt like I said the same things on repeat to Will and he never really got it. Part of it is being 3. And part of it is him developing his momma's stubbornness. And it all culminated with an accident on the kitchen floor when I was in the middle of trying to make dinner. And that ended in me getting upset, yelling and then crying while simultaneously trying to finish making dinner, change my kid out of wet pants, clean up the floor and start a load of laundry.

But as I sit here writing this, this morning, after an unusually trying day yesterday afternoon, my little guy is decorating me with stickers. My big guy is sweeping the floor and watching Daniel Tiger. They both ate good breakfasts and Will cleared his plate and pushed in his chair. They both wanted to use my mops and brooms to help me sweep up the floors. And its these little things that I need to look back on and remember.

Will mowing the lawn yesterday with his bubble popping lawn mower while I was raking up sticks.

John walking around in his striped pajamas and getting into all sorts of cute trouble.

Will calling his brother "my little stinkerpants"

The endless games of Candyland.

The race cars strewn about my house.

John yelling to Will through the bathroom door because he wants him to come out and play.

The every day, totally normal things that we do just because we are here together.

And damn, are we lucky. Because not everyone gets to do this whole motherhood thing. So even when I have a really bad day or part of a day, I am still so glad I can wake up thankful for my kids and the absolute gifts that they are in my life. And that we can live this completely ordinary life.

I know there will be bad days. I know there will be struggles. I know there will be yelling and tears sometimes.

But I also know that I love these kids more than anything and would do anything for them. And that they won't be this little forever. And so I'm going to get off my computer and go play with my kids and enjoy this beautiful day with my beautiful kids and be grateful for the gift of God's blessings in my life.

Family

Dear John {18 mo}

3:01 PM

Dear John,
Yesterday you turned 18 months old. As all parents say, I just don't know where the time has gone. It seems like only yesterday that we welcomed you into our lives!

So much has changed in a year and a half. You started crawling around 9 months old and pulling up shortly after. You took your first steps at 13 mos and I'm convinced it's because you were waiting to learn how to walk so that you could immediately start running in order to keep up with your big brother.

You have the most fun personality and are such a happy little boy. You make friends everywhere you go, but are definitely shy when we first get somewhere if you aren't familiar with the people and surroundings. You have about a 10 minute "warming up" period where you hold on to me or daddy tight, read the room, and then get comfortable enough to get down and take off running.

Your laugh is like no other when you're playing with your brother or being tickled by daddy. You laugh all the way from your belly and it is just the funniest and cutest thing ever.

You, my dear, are my trouble maker. You find something to get into at every opportunity. Trying to use the bins from under the train table to climb on top of it. Running for the laundry room door the second you hear it open. Trying to get into the bathroom when Will is in there so you can get to the potty. Climbing up the stairs if the gate happens to be off for a minute. Playing in the dog bowl water and then coming to show me your wet hand. You have such a spunky personality and have no fear and I have no doubt that these traits will take you far in life and that you will be able to accomplish anything you set your mind to.

Things you love:

Your brother. You guys are best friends and can play so nicely together right now, when you're not wrestling or fighting over a toy! You love your brother and do anything you can to keep his attention and make him laugh. You look up to him and learn so much from him. He is your wrestling partner, your laughing buddy and your best friend.

Climbing. Like I said before, if there's a will there's a way with you. If you can get up onto it, you certainly will. Or you'll figure out something to stand on in order to get where you want to be. This means gates on stairs are closed, little chairs & stools have to be packed away and we have to watch you with eagle eyes to make sure you're not up on the fireplace or the train table. Yesterday, we left the gate off the stairs after nap time and you climbed up to go play in your room by yourself!

Food. And Milk. You stand at the fridge door, pull on the handles, jump up and down and pat your belly when you know it's time for your milk. And if someone else is having a snack then they better be sharing with you or getting you your own or you get mad! You're a good eater overall, although cutting molars has definitely impacted your preferences right now. I have no doubt that once those are through you'll be back to your normal eating habits in no time. Your favorites: Cheese, Bread, Macaroni & Cheese, Jelly toast, Oatmeal, Scrambled Eggs, Waffles, Fruit, Yogurt (especially feeding it to yourself). Your not so favorites: Vegetables. And when you are done with something you are kind enough to share your leftovers with Stella by tossing them to her on the floor and then trying to put your plate on your head.

Books. You did not want to sit still enough for daddy and I to read to you for the first 15 mos or so of your life. You were so busy watching Will and trying to keep up with him that I just don't think you had the time to stop and read. Even before bed we could only get through a page or 2 until you were trying to climb out of our arms. But now you seek out the book basket and read all by yourself. You will sometimes have a dozen books strewn about the fireplace because you've gotten them out and paged thru them while "reading" out loud. And you love taking books to bed with you for nap time and bed time so that you can read before you fall asleep or when you wake up. It makes me so happy to see your love for books.

Laughing. Being Tickled. Screeching. Babbling. You are just hilarious, my little bubba. You have such a great sense of humor and you love to be vocal. You babble on and on and you are saying as many words as you can right now. It's still hard for us to understand most of what you say but you definitely say things over and over again and we're starting to get the hang of John babble. You also love sitting across from your brother at meal times because the 2 of you constantly make each other laugh and get into screeching matches. Let's just say it'll be a long time before daddy and I are brave enough to take you both out to dinner at a restaurant because you will exceed the noise ordinance for whatever county we are dining in.

Running. You are on the move. Constantly. You push your vacuum cleaner, dump truck, shopping cart, trucks, etc around the house and if you can find a way to run behind any of these while chasing Will or being chased, you will.

Cleaning supplies. This sounds like such a funny one but you really love to follow me around when I'm cleaning and you try to take whatever broom, mop or duster I'm using so that you can "help" me. We even asked for a little broom and mop set for you for Christmas, which you love, but nothing is as fun as using mommy's cleaning supplies. If I'm getting something out for myself and I forget to share something with you, you are kind enough to remind me by yelling at me until I do.

Snuggle Blanket & Nuk. You cannot and will not go down for a nap or bedtime without your blue snuggle blanket and your nuk. You are so excited for your nuk and will pull your blanket over your face the second you get into your crib. To say its the cutest thing in the world would be an understatement.